I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
