with your own penis?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
