Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
