I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize