I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
