i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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