I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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