please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Even my vagina gasped.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
