And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what day is it and did you see me today?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
