I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
