Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
