you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
