I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
