he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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