Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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