he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
