my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
