my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
