After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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