The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
