I'm lost and stupid without you.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
