If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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