my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
