If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
