I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
