Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize