it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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