I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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