Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize