And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
