It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
