Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
