New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
