I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
