Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
