HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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