What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize