my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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