legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
