I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize