I'm eating all of the evidence.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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