allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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