I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
