If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
