Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
