My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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