Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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