I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize