i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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