that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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