We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
