just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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