My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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