I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
