So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
