My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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