I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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