"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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