it was like his penis was on wheels.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize