just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
