His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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