I hope mine doesn't look like that
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
