I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
