At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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