I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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