you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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