She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
