Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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