I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
