Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
