oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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