I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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