go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
