I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
