i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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