when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
