I feel great
I just peed on a car
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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