Apparently you make a good broom.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize