My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
