O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
