I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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