watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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