if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we made out on top of his cat.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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