she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
