I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
