turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
